


Breathing Fire

by ScifiSOS



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age Inquisition - Fandom
Genre: Angry Inquisitor, Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, Not A Happy Ending, One Shot, be aware of spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 18:59:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2743583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScifiSOS/pseuds/ScifiSOS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anger is seeping into her bones, infecting her like poison. It makes its way into her veins and straight to her heart. </p>
<p>A.K.A. Inquisitor is angry at Solas, at herself, and at her situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathing Fire

**Author's Note:**

> It is hard to write something that isn’t my headcanon, which is many things. However, here is one of my ‘Inquisitor’s’ Ghewen Lavellan x Solas. The fic will be somewhat shitty. I haven't written in forever. Spoilers are abound. Please do not go into this and get mad about it later.
> 
> **Short description of Inquisitor:** Blond hair, golden eyes, her hair is long, it reaches between her shoulder blades– the right side shaved but can be covered if she wanted it to be. Her Vallaslin is the one that is like branches along her cheekbones and her forehead– light yellow – cannot be seen unless you look at her closely. She specializes in lightening magic and is a Knight-Enchanter.

_‘And I am sorry. I distracted you from your duty. **It will never happen again.’**_

_‘Solas-!’_

_‘Please, vhenan.’_

_‘Solas, don’t leave me. Not now. **I love you.’**_

_‘You have a rare and marvelous spirit, in another world…’_

‘Why not this one?’ 

_**‘I can't, I'm sorry.’** _

At first, all she felt was confusion and sadness. She was not angry, could not be angry. It did not feel right. She knew, at the time, that she should feel angry. At him, at herself. She felt stupid. She felt bare. She knew her clan would consider her blasphemous now – _born and raised Dalish – knew the importance of her marks to them (not to some flat-eared), would she even be welcome home anymore?_

Weeks went with the thoughts of losing her heart, as well as her clan, along with the loss of freedom festering inside her. She tried focusing on her missions. The small ones, the big ones, the ones that would kick Corypheus while he’s down, and the ones that would help ease her companions’ minds. She smiled, talked with her other companions, called meetings with her advisors, and mingled with nobles. She tried not to show the hurt. The pain. Then she spoke to him again. She hoped that he would shed light into the darkness. That he could tell her why. Why leave? What could be so important that you would abandon love so suddenly?

_‘Harden your heart to a cutting edge, and put that pain to good use against Corypheus.’_

Ghewen Lavellan didn't realize that those words were like poison to her mind. It was Cole who helped her realize how far it had spread.

“Sadness. Pain. Anger is seeping into her bones, infecting her like poison. It makes its way into her veins and straight to her heart.” Cole whispers as they make their way through the Emerald Graves vast forest. 

Solas had been there and said nothing. His face showed nothing. He was nothing but empty. _No emotion. How could she have thought it was real?_ Silly little Dalish elf. _**Never should have fallen for a no-good flat ear.**_ Angry, so angry. Why did she have to be so angry?

**Harden your heart.** It felt like a slap to the face. She let him change her. She was letting him change her. _She was letting herself change._ Her hands clenched and unclenched as she tried to steady herself. _Running in the forest – naked, the sun warming her skin – **too warm too hot it is burning, it is boiling me alive. It felt like an never-ending explosion.**_ Hitting wave after wave - **Angry. So very angry.**

“The pain no longer stings, her anger - it grows. It burns its way up her throat, the anger, and the words - She feels like a dragon ready to breathe fire. Ready to burn its enemies to ash.”

They happened upon some bandits. Little remained of them in the end. 

**Harden your heart.**

\---  
The final battle is looming. Her fury is her weapon. Ghewen realizes how much she’s changed. She can put on a smile and act her way through the day. Varric sees through her. He tries to talk to her. She cannot talk to him. “We are near the end.” She says. He accepts it because he has his own issues to deal with. Because he understands not wanting to deal with them. He pats her back and tells her to come anytime if she needs to rant.

She felt the anger ebb away for a little while.  
\---

She had no idea why she keeps bringing Solas along with her the last few missions. She could easily send him with the others when she is assigning teams. She scoffs at herself and remains angry as they walk through the Exalted Plains. She needs to deliver those bear furs. It will only take a few days to get to the Dalish camp and a few days to get back. 

Then Cole has to speak up, again.

“Ar Lasa Mala Revas. You are free. You are so beautiful. But then you turned away. Why?”

Her anger peeks. Her eye twitches. She has no wish to listen to this. She remains silent, however, not wanting to snap at Cole. _Always the clueless spirit,_ she thought angrily - fondly.

“I had no choice.”

_No choice? No choice? **There is always a choice.** He just never gave her one. _**Pain.** _Didn’t consider giving her a chance to choose. Almost like her lack of choice in her role in all this. To be Herald. To be the Anchor. The only choice given to her was to be Inquisitor- by that time there was no point in rejecting._

“She is bare-faced, embarrassed, and she doesn’t know. She thinks it’s because of her.” 

_**Wrong. Wrong. She thinks many things. But it is not her. IT IS NOT HER. She can’t let it be because of her. She'll break if she thinks this. Please SHUT UP. SHUT. UP.** _

“You cannot heal this, Cole. Please, let it go.”

She clutched her staff even tighter than before, her mouth opening without her thinking it through. 

“Perhaps Cole can get a better answer from you than I did.” 

She can feel anger spike through her. Why did she open her big mouth? She stops walking and turns to Cole expectantly. What does she expect? _Why does she still expect something from the **flat-eared?**_

“He hurts an old pain from before, when everything sang the same. You're real, and it means everyone could be real. It changes everything, but it can’t.’ Cole’s sad eyes looking through her as he speaks. She just wishes he could make sense for once. “They sleep, masked in a mirror, hiding, hurting, and to wake them…’ He gasps, and it startles her. ‘Where did it go?’

‘Where did what go?’ She opens her mouth to say, because for a moment she knows he is hurting too. That she must know more. But _he_ speaks before she can.

“I apologize, Cole. That is not a pain you can heal.”

Her lips is pressed thin, she glares at him, and he looks away. She faces forward because it is the only thing she can do. 

**What she must do.**

_No choice. **No choice.**_

The anger chokes her. Her ribs crush into her lungs, stabbing them, they are crushing her heart, but it is okay! **It must be okay.** She can still breathe. 

It takes all of her energy not to stomp around like an angry Bronto.  
\---  
Corypheus comes. They rush to him, it doesn't take long. He decided to knock on their front door. The ground shakes, she nearly falls to the ground, but he steadies her. For a second she feels calm, safe, love-

She forces it away, forces him away. She refuses to look at him. 

Doesn't see pain and regret flash through his eyes in seconds. Doesn't see his fear – _what if she dies?_ Dies with all that anger. That hatred. _What if he meets that part of her again?_ A Rage demon, _what has he done_ , he has destroyed her spirit. If she fails, so has he – in many ways. He'll live on, he will always live on – **alone. Always alone**. His loneliness is tilting into despair but his determination grips his broken heart. 

The people need him still.

They rise to the sky. Equipped with broken hearts, determination, and her anger. 

And prevail.  
\---  
Ghewen hisses when her leg stings. She forces herself to stand and breathes. Lungs stinging slightly. 

She doesn't feel angry, not now anyways. She feels tired. She wonders how she could let herself rely on such an ugly feeling. A small, humorless, smile appears on her lips. She’s probably a beacon of light for Rage demons.

Then he passes by her, like a ghost. She could feel the anger poking at her weariness but she ignores it this time. 

“Solas?” She questions him, about many things, about his demeanor. She questions herself, her right to call out to him – as if she could comfort (?) him or truly talk to him.

“The orb,” he whispers. 

The orb. Right.

“Are…you sure? We could take the pieces, try to…” She trails off. She doesn't know what they could do. She has no knowledge, no truth, about the Dalish's past. She couldn't do anything and it seems that he couldn’t too. 

“That would not recover what has been lost.” 

She just watches as he gets up, turns towards her.

“There’s more isn't there?” She’s tired of questioning him. He won't tell her. She will always be in the dark.

That heartbroken look on his face, it surprises her. “It was not supposed to happen this way.” He looks away from her. Her eyes stare at him, never into him, as they try to memorize his face.

“No matter what comes, I want you to know what we had was real.”

**“Inquisitor, are you alive?”**

Ghewen returns to _her people_ \- not believing, or letting herself dare to believe, his words.

**Author's Note:**

> I never thought I would have an inquisitor to romance Solas. I'm not a fan of his shiny bald head that can be used as a mirror. Or possibly has yolk inside instead of a brain. //smacked for egg yolk -joke//
> 
> I fell in love for his voice and conversation. He's one of the most interesting characters in Inquisition. Their relationship feels mature. And he does this half smile on their first kiss scene that makes me squeal like a little girl.
> 
> In my own headcanon, Ghewen is not Inquisitor - so she's not as angry as this version, who has everything dumped on her. Sure, she would be heartbroken but eventually that would lead to a dull ache and acceptance. She won't ever understand but she continues to love him. Bouts of anger when she's truly feeling distressed or irritated. She remains this sarcastic, happy, bundle of fun. She's more...careful when entering a relationship. It did give her some issues with abandonment [more than she had before, because this headcanon Ghewen was not born within a Dalish clan]. She has a tragic ending though. At least in my mind.
> 
> Also, to clarify, she tries to identify him as flat-eared at times because she is trying to separate Solas from her heart. Not all Dalish clans consider it a derogatory term but some do.
> 
> As for the name, I sometimes think of anger as breathing fire. It burns your eyes with unshed tears, it burns your throat with angry words, it burns your lung every breath you take, and it burns your heart with pain. Not that I've ever breathed fire before. It's just how it feels to me.
> 
> Anyways...how the fudge to you put this as a completed work? Or does that happen automatically D:?


End file.
